I Give Up

I don’t, really, but I’m just about ready to.

Every now and then I will try something that I have tried and failed completing before, thinking that maybe I was just too immature to be able to handle it in the past. Often, this is the case. I have gone back and re-read much of the literature that was required in high school and found that, amazingly, those were interesting stories! Hester the Horrible Whore was actually just a woman in a loveless marriage who thought she had found an out and then, miraculously, thought she had found love. Sydney Carton the Big Fat Idiot was really just a guy who was so in love with a girl that he was willing to die for her. I still haven’t found much use for the Bronte Brats or Heart of Darkness, but I figure their time will probably come too, if history has anything to teach me.

The problem with these stories (as an aside from my original point, which I shall return to in a few minutes) is that they contain stuff that high school kids know nothing about. Being willing to die for someone? Really? Loveless marriages? Maybe their parents’, but (hopefully) they have no real personal insight into it. I didn’t get the deeper meanings of many of the books we read because I just couldn’t empathize with the characters. I mean, I was smart enough to understand what was going on and perhaps imagine I was somewhere in the story, but as for really connecting with the characters and making their troubles mine, I just didn’t see it. It was only after I was married to my own true love that the light bulb went on (and even then, it was after several years of being married). I now count some of those books as favorites, but it was kind of a long journey getting here from there.

So anyway, back to my point. Sometimes I try things I’ve tried before that I had been unsuccessful with. Usually it works out fine, if not great.

Crocheting and I, however, I do not ever think will be BFF.

My mom tried showing me how to crochet when I was in high school. Unfortunately, neither of us had the patience to stick out the lessons, so I never learned anything beyond a simple chain stitch. Over the years, I’ve thought about trying to pick it up again, but have not done so until today. I saw a video the other day showing how to create these super-cute little crochet flowers that would look totally awesome on some outfits for Laura. All you had to be able to do was chain (yay! I can do that!), slip stitch (that doesn’t look too hard!) and double crochet (ok, it’s looking harder, but I’m smart—I can figure it out!).

So I watched the video several times, which only served to whet my appetite. Totally easy. A monkey could do it. I went today to Michael’s to get a needle (I didn’t want to ask mom for one of hers and set off a frenzy of “I can teach you how to do it!”—I’m just not ready for that). I had the yarn laying around from previous knitting projects (don’t get me started…). I watched the video a few more times. I started stitching and got confused. I started the video again, pausing it every time the lady finishes a series of stitches. I got the chain done (yay!), started with the slip stitch and couldn’t get the darned thing right. I went back to the video. Crocheted right along with the lady. Pause, crochet, watch, pause, crochet, watch. Got something off kilter, so ripped out all the stitches. Started over. Started to notice the yarn was fraying a little bit. Moved a little further down the line. Rinse, lather, repeat. Decided the yarn was too small so moved to some wool blend stuff I had left over that was chunky. Realize that 1) it’s too thick for my size G needle and 2) it’s a dark color and my living room is not terribly bright. Not happening.

At this point, I’m pretty fed up with the whole process. I think I’m going to sleep off my frustration and try it again later in the week. If it works, great, but if it doesn’t, I’m not going to sweat it.

I suppose I could always give the (very simple) pattern to mom and ask her to make it for me.